1. If you are a balding, portly, male clerical worker in your mid to late thirties, do not buy a leather trenchcoat. It will not make you look like Neo from the Matrix. It will, however, make you look like a balding, portly, male clerical worker in your mid to late thirties wearing an ill-fitting leather trenchcoat.
2. If you are crossing the road at the corner of Waterloo Bridge and Aldwych, at least one homicidal cyclist will attempt to mow you down. Even when the little man is green.
3. If you stay at work late, the fire alarm will go off just as you're getting ready to leave. And it won't be the announcement telling you to evacuate; instead 'The Voice' will politely request that you 'remain at your workplace while the fire is being investigated.' (Note to self: if it starts getting a bit warm, ignore this voice, instead listen to the little one in your head telling you to run for the hills)
4. It doesn't take much to cheer someone up. A kind word, an unexpected hug or even saying rude words can do it.
5. My mam is one of the most amazing and incredible people I know. She is going through the most unbearably sad time, yet she still takes the time to make sure I'm ok. She is dealing with all kinds of stresses and strains, and yet she can still manage to make me laugh like a drain. She's not just my mam, she's also my best mate and I am incredibly proud of her. And when (if) I grow up, I want to be just like her.
Strictly speaking, the last two are something I've known for a while, but it's about time I actually put them into writing.