Monday, 19 November 2007

Les Miserables

That’s what I’ve got. A severe dose by the looks of things. I spent most of the weekend feeling like a complete and utter waste of space, air and skin. I even spent nearly 4 hours working solidly on my first bit of chain-mail jewellery, which did keep me occupied and gave me some pleasure, but it just all seems so fleeting.

I’m back on the old hating myself thing. I’m managing to convince myself that people are just hanging round with me because they’ve got nothing better to do. God, I should know better than this, I really should.

I swear, this year’s knocked me back a mile. One thing after another, it feels like and I never give myself an inch. And why is that? Because I don’t feel that I deserve it. I feel like I’m always being tested and found wanting.

It’s utter bollocks and I should know that. I really should. I just need to convince myself that I’m worth that effort. God knows I wouldn’t treat any of my friends so harshly, in fact, I’d be the first one to shout if anyone else did. I need my inner voice of doom to shut the jeff up and listen for a change.

So, if anyone’s got any ideas on how I do that, I’ll be accepting answers on a postcard to the usual address.

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