Birthday fun

'Twas my 38th birthday on Friday, and a better day I have not had in a long time. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Which, I believe, is fairly customary.

I had the day off from work, which is always a good thing. We also had a visit from the insurance people about the bathroom ceiling. The man was in the house barely 10 minutes. After six ruddy months of waiting and he's there less than 10 minutes. That's what I call value for money. Pfft. Still, he decided that he was going to release the money for the repairs, so hopefully I'll have a bathroom ceiling before the end of the year. Hurrah!

I also spent most of the afternoon and evening drinking lots and having fun on a boat on the Thames. I was thrilled to bits with the number of people who were able to make it, people I hadn't seen for absolutely ages. That's mainly down to self-imposed exile and sheer immobility for two months of the year, but it was lovely to see them all again.

And I got lots of lovely presents and cards - all very much gratefully received. Among the gifts were a large cuddly Godzilla (to go with my little cuddly Godzilla - Big G and Little G), the original Godzilla film on DVD, a Samuel Z Arkoff box set (B-Movie heaven!), Man From UNCLE box set, Trumpton DVD, Mr Benn DVD, books, a mug, smellies, stationery and a beautiful compact mirror. I think I did rather well for myself there.

I also hope that this marks a turning point. I received the forms for my counselling yesterday too - so I'll be filling them out and sending straight away. This year hasn't had the greatest of starts, but here's to a much improved second half of it!

Internet musings

I actually meant to post this last week, as it was fresh in my mind, but I got distracted. Pfft.

Anyway, last Sunday morning, as you do, I was watching the Heaven & Earth show. It's quite good, as religious programming goes. Anyway, there was a feature on the show about online churches. There are quite a number in Second Life, and they appear to be quite popular. There are also a number of online religious communities spread around the country. After the feature was shown there was a discussion with the studio guests, Nina Myskow, GP Taylor and some other bloke whose name I have completely forgotten.

Two of the people, unnamed man and Ms Myskow were really quite scathing about the use of internet forums and so on. Which got me thinking. I've been using discussion boards and forums for a good 5 to 6 years now and for the most part, it's been a hugely positive experience. I have met people who I now consider to be my closest friends. They have been there to support me during the bad times, celebrate during the good times and give me an alternative perspective when it's needed. Without that, I'd be a much lesser human being than I am today. I have grown in confidence (though, yes, that is quite fragile) and have expanded my horizons much more than I would had I not met them.

However, outstripping all of that has been the opportunities for so much fun and laughter. Which, frankly, makes life worth living.

To dismiss all of that with an airy wave of one's hand and wittering that people like me are sad and pathetic is to completely miss the point of all this. And strangely enough, it was the ex-vicar (GP Taylor) who was most in favour of online communities. Though thinking about it, perhaps with his background he can actually see the benefits rather than looking at the pitfalls.

Rain and sunshine

The last week or so, the weather here has been rubbish. Veering from grey, cold and damp to bright sunshine. I have the heating on in my flat right now - and it's July for heaven's sake!

Wednesday evening was a case in point. I was working late (summer working hours, work extra during the week and get a Friday off every other week), so when I finally left, it was just in time for the skies to turn dark and menacing. Still, as luck would have it, I managed to get on the bus before the rain started. However, halfway through the journey, the thunderstorm started. I have not seen rain that heavy for quite some time. It was bouncing off the tops of cars, bus stops, the pavement, umbrellas and assorted folk like anything. And of course, when the time came for me to change buses, it was still going (along with the booming thunder!). So, there I was stuck half underneath a very crowded bus shelter and half underneath my umbrella, when the sun started to come out, way over in the distance.

And of course, sun + rain = rainbows! I managed to get a picture of a particularly spectacular one whilst I was waiting at the bus stop. The picture quality isn't brilliant, but that's cameraphones for you.

Best of all, it's a doubler! I get stupidly excited when I see double rainbows. But then, I think I'm just a bit of a weather geek.

Blues. Again. Bah.

I know what it's all about today. Which is a bit of a change from normal, where I'm just a bit clueless. Still, today's blues are hard, since I can do absolutely nothing about it. I just have to ride it out.

To be honest, I've been dreading today for weeks. Ever since the signs for Father's Day started appearing in the card shops. More so than is usual, but I think that's also related to the other things that have happened this year. And how much I've wished my dads (yep, both of 'em) were there to turn to.

I know I'm luckier than a lot of people, in that not only was my real father an absolute hero, but my stepfather was too. Despite me not wanting him to be, when I first met him. Unfortunately, it sometimes makes it incredibly hard to deal with the fact that neither of them are here now.

Funny thing was, I managed to keep the tears away until I talked to my mother earlier today. And it only started when I just wanted to make sure they had known how much I loved them. I suppose it's the thing you worry about most. Making sure that the people you love actually know that. I think it's the one thing I'm most bothered about with friends and family now.

Though, on reflection, it's not entirely a bad thing.

Finally! Success!

Yes, I have finally triumphed with British Gas! Sick and tired of the constant bills, despite not receiving gas from them for the past SEVEN years and mindful of the fact that they appear to have the determination of a pitbull with a bone, I decided to take action.

So, there I was, bill for £853.71 and other letter threatening court action in hand, as I rang their Customer Services line. After being on hold for a good 20 minutes, I finally got to speak to an advisor. Who, much to my surprise, was incredibly helpful and really very pleasant. A complete change to the last person I spoke to at BG and really not what I was expecting.

She said that I didn't owe them anything and that, since my name was not on the bills, I was not legally obliged to pay anything. She also said that she would remove the details from their database. So, with any luck, that's the end of it.

Thank the lord.

Adverts, schmadverts

I used to be one of those odd people who would look forward to the commercial break. Those days are now long, long gone. If it's not Howard from the ruddy Halifax caterwauling like a cut-price karaoke singer, it's Michael Winner being a patronising cock in order to flog insurance. Where's the creativity in that? And don't get me started on those horrendous 'Brand Power' adverts. Helping you buy better, my arse.

There have been some really fantastic ad campaigns in recent times - the Sony Bravia bouncy balls/exploding paint ones, the Honda one where they took the car apart to make a Heath Robinson-esque marvel are both notable examples - so why on earth must there be so many bad ones? The recent Mark Benton adverts for Nationwide are fairly amusing (Hairy Little Cat, meow - never fails to raise a snigger), but then they're shoved up against interminable ones for car insurance or people willing to sue on your behalf because you fell over. Actually, there are certain of those particular ads which make me quite queasy - the ones with the 're-enactments'. Just like a shorter version of Casualty, though without the appearance of Charlie. Which may or may not be a good thing.

Blah, blah and more bloody blah.

I don't really have a huge lot to say at the moment, being as I've been off sick for the past three weeks with another sodding flare up of the sciatica I had earlier this year. I have to say, so far 2007 has sucked. Big style.

I've just been to the loo (slightly TMI there, but just indulge me for a moment) and on the way back to the living room decided to make myself a cup of tea. Spiced Chai Latte (part of the instant tea range from Whittards, which I adore) and I've just had to stop myself from crying. I am so fed up with everything. I don't think I've had a year quite this bad for a long long time and I feel like I'm struggling to cope. I know it's small beans compared with other people, but then, as I keep telling people, you can't compare yourself to other people. Down that road, madness lies (as Yoda might well have said).

I think it's just that I feel like a big, fat, useless failure. Logically, I know that's not true. I have my own flat (which I bought all on my own), I have a pretty good job and I have a lovely family. I also have some absolutely terrific friends. I just keep thinking that I'm letting everyone down - that I'm a constant disappointment. And I can't seem to shake it off, that big black cloud hanging over me.

I've made a start though. My new doctor (same surgery, but different doctor - I will NEVER voluntarily see my previous doctor ever again) is lovely. So much so, that I actually mentioned my weight to him. And he didn't make me feel like a total freak or a total loser. He was just lovely about it. I rarely mention it - even to my family or friends - because it's horrendously emotional and I really worry about not being able to handle letting those emotions out. I can't spend my life like this, it's got to change. So I made that first step. And it felt good. Realistically, I know that it's going to take time and that it's not going to be easy, but I have to do it. Otherwise I'll go under.